Part 1 of 3
She turned 70 this past month. She is an exception in many ways. 15 years ago, Corrie signed up as a client because she had no idea how to move on with her life.
I can still see her sitting in her wheelchair. Her husband by her side. What a pair. Pain and misery radiate from her. Her eyes are dim. We look at each other and, at that moment, we both smile. It’s like we’ve known each other for a long time.
Four weeks ago she was hospitalized for her third course of ketamine*. The only remedy that helps to make the pain caused by post-traumatic dystrophy somewhat bearable.
The special thing about such a cure is that all socially desirable brakes are released. Your emotions and everything that lives inside you are given free rein.
The second day of admission, I call and ask how it is for her at the moment. ‘I’m so glad you called. I feel so happy! I do not feel any pain.’ The euphoria echoes in her voice. Moments later, she continues: ‘Yesterday, my daughter came to visit, and I am so sorry for her that she is so sad about me.’ Corrie bursts into tears.
“I feel a horrific amount of love,” she says a little later. She laughs and realizes that horrific is not really a word that fits. ‘It’s as if all the protective shells around me have disappeared and here is only love.’
She tells me about an app she received from her neighbor Nettie. ‘How sad, Corrie, that you are on such a rollercoaster of emotions. Strength though!’
Corrie says with a smile: ‘I don’t mind at all. I actually like that I can let go of everything. Even the doctor says I can just let my tears flow, and it’s all part of it. ‘
I hear a deep breath from the other end of the line, as if a burden falls off her shoulders.
‘So you see again.’ I say, ‘what another says is usually about him or herself.’ Together we are silent. It’s like I hear her think.
‘Uhh … what exactly do you mean?’ she asks.
‘Nettie’s reaction shows me that she empathizes with her own experience. Sweet intentions of course, but it is from her perspective. She assumes it’s bad for you. This may be because she, herself, finds it difficult to deal with emotions. Or maybe she has some other reason.
You just said that you really like how you can let go of everything. You don’t really think about what someone else thinks about it’.
It is quiet again. ‘What a great idea, really. Then I really never have to feel uncomfortable when someone else criticizes me. That’s fantastic.’
It it is not as simple as Corrie now concludes. I will leave it for what it is. It is indeed fantastic, but, of course, I also know that this realization is not always enough to feel relaxed in every situation. The practice continues……
More about Corrie in the next blog.
* More information about the ketamine cure can be found at https://www.rijnstate.nl/zieking-en-leiding/paal-behandelen-met-een-ketamine-infuus/