Part 3 of 3
It is a month later when I receive Jenny at my practice for the third time.
‘I’ve overcome a lot of challenges,’ she says as soon as she relaxes on the sofa. “I am proud of myself. Maarten also says he sees a change. And, when I asked him what he sees, he said: ‘you do more, you are happier and you arrange all kinds of things’.” It made me happy when he said that. I am also more honest with Maarten. If I don’t feel like going somewhere, I’ll just say so. I used to go along often because I thought he liked it.’ She sighs deeply, as if directing her attention back in time for a moment.
‘Furthermore, I have dreamed a lot. It’s like a lot of cleaning up. I no longer disappear into all kinds of emotions. That gives so much peace.’
Joy radiates from Jenny. She continues: ‘I am no longer concerned so often with whether another person accepts me. The phrase from last time during the EMDR keeps coming back. ‘I may be there.’
‘Boy, a lot is changing with you. It also makes me happy’.
‘What do we still have to do together?’ I ask.
‘Sometimes, I am still insecure. Especially when I end up in new situations. Then, I postpone things and start to dread them more and more. To give you an example: I had to complete a file on a deceased client. For that, I had to contact the family. I kept putting it off until I couldn’t get away from it. In retrospect, it was a piece of cake.’
I explain to her that I understand why she feels that way. ‘When I think back to experiences you had as a child and in your previous relationship, I can imagine that this still requires attention. You have developed all kinds of negative beliefs because you did not receive the attention or protection you needed as a child. We all come out of parenting with some type of dents, large or small. It is not about blaming anyone for this. On the contrary, in most cases, parents do their best. They do not consider that the effect on their child can still have such an impact years later. If they had known this, they would no doubt have done it differently.
When my children were small, I was mostly surviving myself. In other words, I was there, but I didn’t give them the attention they deserved. Retrospectively, I would have paid more attention to what was going on with them. Fortunately, all three turned out well,” I say lightly.
We do an EMDR session where Jennifer focuses on situations in which she felt insecure and not seen. The most painful thing that becomes apparent during this session is that her parents had not protected her. Her belief, “I am not important,” was confirmed time and again.
The new conviction: “I can be there!” is strengthened during the EMDR.
Jenny goes home relieved. We decide to see each other again after two months and will then determine whether there is anything else that requires attention.