January 7, 2021
Part 2 of 4
During the first session of the Intense 2-day, Philip talks about the family in which he grew up.
He turns out to be a prime example of an emotionally neglected child. When I confront him with this and explain it further, the tears come down. “I’ve heard this before,” he says. “I find it hard to hear, but I think it’s true.” I explain why it is important to face this.
We consider the emotions that arise in him. I explain that an adult who has grown up in an unsafe situation often lives in confusion. You also experienced this as a child. You try to find peace in yourself by, unconsciously, drawing conclusions. For example: ‘I am not important’. This belief gives you apparent peace of mind. ‘I don’t have to expect anything. I have to save myself. I’m on my own.’ Your parents’ behavior is a mystery to you. Especially when your father is out of the picture at a young age, and your mother looks for distraction out of the house to avoid being confronted with her pain.
I go on to say: ‘If you did not receive emotional support from your father as a boy, then it is quite a job to come into your masculine power as an adult; learn to trust your promptings and respond to your desires. You have not learned that your needs matter. Apparently now is the time for you to follow your desires. We will investigate this further these two days. In addition, we also pay attention to how you can apply this in daily life. ‘
Philip shifts his position and takes a drink of water. ‘I really long to find more peace for myself. I’m tired of working hard. And, I don’t mean work in my company. There, I am in the groove and enjoy the challenges. What I would like to do is let my voice be heard in my relationship with Mieke in a relaxed way. Sometimes it works quite well, but often, I don’t get the words right. Then I withdraw. Mieke is also much better at communicating. She just has a quick opinion about things, and I just don’t always know where I stand right away. I am a lot slower and that frustrates me. I feel overruled, even though I know this is not her intention.’ He pauses for a moment and continues: ‘We often have a nice time together. We trust each other, she supports me and is quite caring.’ He gives me with a warm look.
‘That is precisely where the confusion lies. Sometimes, you can be absorbed in the love that is between you. At other times, you feel alone, neither seen nor heard. It unconsciously reminds you of yourself as a 10-year old when you were home alone again. Let’s get started with that.’
In the next blog, you can read more about this Intense 2-day with Philip.