Part 2 of 3
It is 4 weeks later when I meet with Corrie through a video consultation. The first thing that strikes me is the sparkle in her eye.
“I can see from your eyes that the pain is low, Corrie. Is that right?” I ask her.
‘Yes. The neighbor said that, too. The pain is low. My muscles can hardly take anything, but it is progressing in small steps. I enjoy every moment as much as possible,’ she says with a smile.
“What do you want to talk about today?” I ask her.
“I am so sad that I haven’t heard from my sister since I got home from the hospital. As you know, she doesn’t agree with my choice to follow Snatam Kaur. It’s like she wants to punish me for my choice. Doesn’t she understand that Snatam gives me guidance and comfort? That her mantras help me to trust and live in love? Why is she condemning me? I wish she would respect my choice. I respect her, too. Don’t I?” she says angrily.
“We are such opposites,” she continues. “I am always the one who has to take the initiative. If I stop, there is no contact at all.”
I look at her and ask, “What thought makes you keep trying so hard to connect with her?”
“It’s my sister, right?” Corrie says indignantly.
“Apparently, you have the thought or belief that, as a family, you should keep in touch, even if it is a hassle. Is that really the case?”
Corrie agrees that she has this belief. Then I share with her that I recently realized it is just a belief. Who says you have to be in touch with your family?
It reminds me of one of Byron Katie’s four questions*, namely: How would I feel without this thought?
It was such a relief when I realized that I can choose to stop trying to connect with one of my four brothers if I want to. It had frustrated me for years. Now that I’ve let it go, I have more room for things that make me happy.
I look at her and see that she has to let this sink in for a moment.
“What is it doing to you, Corrie, to hear something like this?” I ask curiously.
“Yes, I think it would be a lot easier for me then. I believe I will suddenly become much calmer, because I am so busy with it. Just too busy. And, it only brings me frustration and sadness. It will not be easy to stop, but I do see that there are also other ways to deal with this.”
We talk a bit more about the effect on your body when you are worried about things that you have no influence on, then conclude our conversation.
*Byron Katie wrote her book in 2002, Four Questions That Change Your Life . I know from my own experience that these questions can lead to enormous change.
These are the four questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you be absolutely sure it’s true?
- How do you respond to that thought?
- Who would you be without this thought?