Part 1 of 3
She flops down on the couch and gives a deep sigh. She has to visibly recover from the short distance from her car to my practice room. The sweat is on her forehead. Her black clothing is not enough to hide the excess weight.
‘Well, I’m here,’ Agnes says as soon as she gets her coffee. ‘It’s time I started working on myself. I work too hard, live unhealthy and I ended my 8-year relationship last weekend. Three years ago, I realized that he has a lot of narcissistic traits. I don’t understand why I stayed with him for so long. I thought it was me. Also, because it is the umpteenth relationship that hasn’t worked.’ Lost in thought, she stares at the floor. Her shoulders hang forward.
While she rubs her hands through her gray curls, she continues: ‘That corona thing doesn’t do me any good either. I work alone, at home, all day long. I miss physical contact with colleagues. The weekends are complete drama. How do I get through it without letting go of eating again? On Monday morning, during the online meeting, we always start by sharing stories about our weekends. I prefer to disappear then. My thoughts go back to the hours I spent flipping channel on the couch. I’m sick of myself. If only I could go out again on the weekend, I would feel much better.’
I look at Agnes. I seem to see myself. I tell her that, years ago, I could only think about food and stuff myself with anything and everything. How I hated myself for ruining another day by overeating. I felt desperate because I had no idea how to change this. A typical case of getting stuck in the role of victim. If I had known then that there is always another option, I would have saved myself a lot of frustration and pounds.
Agnes puts an extra pillow behind her back and visibly relaxes.
‘What do you expect from me?’ I ask her.
‘My employer is allowing me to do a coaching process. He also sees that I am not doing well. What I would like is to be positive and healthy in life again. Just to be happy with myself. ‘
No answer to the question, but interesting information, I think to myself.
‘Again? This tells me that you have also experienced what it is like to be positive and healthy in life. How do you see that? Curiously, I await her response. ‘A year ago, I did a juice cleanse in Italy. How powerful I felt. Others in the group went to the village in the evening to “enjoy some sinning,” but, I had no need at all.’ Her eyes sparkle and she sits up. ‘I also think about the time when I sang in a choir. What I truly enjoyed, I actually never sing again, I suddenly realize that now.’
‘What beautiful examples, Agnes. Apparently, there is a lot of power in you that has faded into the background because of what you have been through.’ She nods with a surprised look, as if she had forgotten that power is inside her.
Back to my question: ‘What do you expect from me?’
‘I hope that you can give me concrete tools and help me process things. I want to leave my anger and sorrow behind; eat healthy again and take better care of myself. That will make me feel happy and strong again.’
“We’re going to work on that together,” I assure her.
More about Agnes’s trials in a future blog.