Part 2 of 3
What do you do if your partner does not want coaching, while you see that he or she really needs it? What can you do if you long for a connection with your partner but you can’t find it? How do you deal with it if you are always looking for recognition from your significant other, but don’t get it?
All of these questions come to Mila when we take a walk on the beach in the afternoon, on the first day of our Intense 2-day. In the car, on the way to the beach, she says she needs her afternoon rest. I can see she is impressed by what she found out about her father in the morning. “This still requires some attention,” I think to myself.
We take a closer look at the questions Mila has about her relationship with Peter.
‘As soon as you change your behavior, it always has an effect on your partner. Just give it a try. You will be amazed,’ I say with a laugh. I tell her it reminds me of the all the times I tried so hard to change my various partners. Even in my current marriage to Paul, I did it. Poor them!
Fortunately, a coach gave me the insight that I can only change my own behavior. If I had not realized this, it could have turned out very differently with Paul and me. Because, if you’ve both had two marriages, like in our case, you don’t want to end up in the same movie again.
From the new perspective that I outline, I see that Mila is open to focusing mainly on what she can change. ‘What a relief that I no longer have to wait for him to finally change, but that I can get to work myself. Actually, I also feel ashamed that I took it out on him so violently. I now see that it is about me,’ Mila admits.
An hour later, we are on our way back to the hotel. The walk did us both good. “How nice it is to be together in peace like this,” she says.
For the rest of the day, we do another coaching session, we enjoy a delicious meal together and we conclude with a meditation in the meeting room.
When I get into my hotel bed immediately after meditating, I feel satisfied and happy. Wonderful to do my job in this way. Although, it doesn’t feel like work. I experience it more as just being present with the other person. It’s about trust in whatever presents itself. If I follow my intuition, the rest will unfold itself and what wants to be seen will become visible. Just like real life…
Not long after that, I disappear into a wonderful dream.