‘I have more and more trouble with Corona. I miss seeing people, being together, looking each other deeply in the eye. It seems like I need human interaction to recharge. I find it very annoying to notice that I am so dependent on others.’ Sylvia takes a deep breath. I can see through the screen that it is bothering her a lot. I’ve known her for a while now. I know she usually puts a positive spin on difficult situations. Apparently she can’t do that now.
Sylvia continues: ‘I was so looking forward to the retreat you were going to give in November. Another thing that will not happen. All meetings with like-minded people will be canceled. I then just flee into a Netflix series. At the same time, I know that I am doing this because I have trouble finding myself. Fortunately, I am at work, so I am away from home in any case. This gives me some distraction,’ she says with a faint smile.
I ask her how this video consultation can have added value for her.
She thinks about it and says, ‘Well, I don’t really know. Just seeing you energizes me. I just get life energy from our conversations.’
We look at each other in silence. It feels like there is no distance, although, we are physically more than 100 kilometers apart. It’s special how this works.
‘What would it be like if you found a way to recharge yourself?’ I ask.
‘That would be fantastic, but I also find it scarry. Because what might I encounter inside myself when I do that? I am thinking, for example, of my previous attempts’. Sylvia lowers her gaze to the left which, in my mind, gives me the impression that she is returning to a bad experience. I’ll leave that for what it is *. I invite her to return her attention to the now.
I notice that she, too, can learn this step by step. That I’d like to support her in this. ‘You will, of course, have to do the real work yourself, Sylvia. I know from my own experience that it comes down to doing. Stepping out of your comfort zone. You can do this, too. I remember so well how, out of fear of what I encountered within myself, I always thought of something to do that was more important than turning to silence. Now that I’ve learned how to deal with my fear, I can explore it with curiosity. In fact, silence has become at least as important to me as healthy eating.’
We investigate what could be the first step for Sylvia. She chooses to start with a writing exercise, focusing on the part of her that is confident that she can handle it.
‘If you feel the need to chat in the meantime, then you know where to find me,’ I say reassuringly.
* In one of the following blogs, I will go deeper into my motivation not to focus on the bad experiences, but on the ‘now’.