At a birthday party, a reader says he has read my blog When I’m Under Pressure. He recognizes himself in the story. His girlfriend looks at him in surprise and says, ‘I didn’t know you were sometimes bothered by this, as well.’ Apparently, she read it too.
“Not often, but I do know,” he says almost apologetically. ‘What you wrote really happened?’ he asks.
“How nice that you have read the story and that you recognize yourself in it. Yes, it actually happened. The starting point of my blogs is what I experience in my practice and in daily life. Inspired by the books of Irvin Yalom, psychiatrist and bestselling author, I write openly about what going on inside me.
Just as I recognize myself in Dr. Yalom's books, people recognize themselves in what I write. During the time when insecurity about myself predominated, I decided to let go and share less pleasant aspects with others. Now, I find it liberating to share my experiences without having to show my best side. In addition, I have become more aware that universal challenges are what my stories are about. Every person has, to a greater or lesser extent, some type of burden of uncertainty. By being honest about it, I trust that others will also be inspired to be honest with themselves. I've found that if I don't judge myself when I'm insecure, life gets a lot brighter. "
‘How do you do that? Not judge yourself?’ he asks. ‘Because before I know it, it has already happened.’
‘It is a matter of practice. Do not think that I am free from it. My aim is not to become judgment-free. That seems impossible to me. It’s about realizing that I’m judging. At that moment, I have a choice. Either continue or stop. In the first case, I start to feel worse and worse. Sometimes, I get stuck in that. But sooner or later, I realize I can stop. Then I say to myself, for example, ‘You don’t have to be perfect.’ Or, ‘How would I feel without judging myself?’ I see it as an exercise to judge less, with the result that the love and kindness I have inside, get more space.”
His girlfriend looks at me. ‘It sounds so simple,’ she says dubiously. ‘I recognize myself in your story, too. I can spend hours on how I could have done something differently. I'm so fed up with myself.’
‘I understand that completely and that is exactly the problem. By going along with your story, judging yourself gets plenty of room. The first step is to see this. Patience is essential. Here is an expert speaking,’ I say, laughing.